Inner Critic Work
When we focus on strengthening our voice, or we allow ourself to dive deep, or we stop censoring ourselves, our Inner Critic can see that as a signal to start up with the negative self-talk. This can be toxic and shaming. It can feel bad enough to keep us from writing.
As women and non-binary people, we have been shamed enough! Internalizing a shaming voice is part of existing in a patriarchal system, and I have been working for over 50 years already at freeing myself, and my voice in particular, from this cultural and insidious shame. And I mean to help free you too!
Here are a few ideas toward functioning as a creative risk-taker with an Inner Critic.
Consider that your Inner Critic wants to help you. They are a part of a system created to protect you when you were young. You might want to find out who they are - how old they are and how they are trying to protect you. You can do this by getting grounded and centered in yourself and asking them nicely if they will talk with you. They might not recognize you or know who you are. If you can let them know who you are, how old you are, and how accomplished you are, you might surprise them. If they start to realize just how strong you are, and how grown up you are, they might start to back off. Let them know that you won't get in trouble for writing whatever you're writing.
If you are worried that you will get in trouble for writing whatever you're writing, you won't be able to truly reassure them. First you will have to reassure yourself. And start putting those worrisome thoughts on the pages of your notebooks in an act of defiance!
You could explore the worry. Will Uncle Joe recognize himself and never speak to you again? What will actually happen if you write the truth in a private place where no one else would even know to look? When I started writing, I was terrified that someone would see my writing and find out that I felt cut off from others in a way that always made me feel anxious, lonely and alienated - now I know that's called autism!
I wish I had been brave enough to write about it sooner. I might have figured it out earlier if I had written about it. I dreamed of titles like The Autobiography of a Stranger, but I was always terrified to write the book... especially because I didn't have a name for what I was struggling with. But if we aren't writing about it, how will we ever find a way to name it?
Some of us have lived through moments of actual shaming when someone did find our writing and tormented us for it. Or shared it with a group. I have a friend whose husband burned her sketchbooks and paintings. These traumatic experiences must be recognized in a safe place where the trauma can be managed and healed. But the shame cannot live if it is witnessed with compassion.
So we're back to compassion - what I'm always talking about. Do you have a way to offer yourself compassion? Do you try to do that daily? Here are some links to help you begin a practice of Metta (lovingkindness).
Try Tara Brach's podcasts and/or her book Radical Acceptance. https://www.tarabrach.com/talks-audio-video/
Sharon Salzburg's 8 minute teaching https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-z4HqdTQFw
Tara Brach's Embodied Metta on youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhiHCU2CpB0
A shorter metta https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nR0dohZ3iIw
Lovingkindness for well-being https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-z4HqdTQFw
5 Benefits from Metta meditation https://www.healthline.com/health/metta-meditation
Or simply put your hand on your heart and offer yourself some love. I say simple, but for some of us, this isn't easy. Practice. Because you are worth it! We all need your words. We all need your bravery.
Increasing your ability to have compassion for yourself will decrease your struggles with your Inner Critic. Stay tuned for more on this topic in future blogs. And let me know if you'll join me in Brave Space!